When Dummies Forget Why They Have Handlers

April 13, 2011


Most of the lines uttered by the wild-wigged dummy are taken word for word from an error-ridden letter to the editor submitted by birther, Donald Trump.  The notes below will focus specifically on the punctuation and grammatical errors, with italics to emphasize the improper phrasing.  The notes will also provide links to other included utterances made by America’s most famous birther.


1. Gail Collins, a liberal columnist in the New York Times, wrote a vicious article calling Donald Trump a birther.

Collins, Gail, Donald Trump Gets Weirder, New York Times, April 1, 2011


2. Now the dummy will respond.

Trump, Donald J., Donald Trump Responds, New York Times, April 8, 2011


3.  Even before Gail Collins was with the New York Times, she has written nasty and derogatory articles about me.  / Before she was she had.  It should be past tense so the tenses match.

4.  Her storytelling ability and word usage (coming from me, who has written many bestsellers), is not at a very high level. / “They are not.”  Not “they is not.” / … Who has written? / Me has.  / … Her word usage is coming from you. / No. / But isn’t that what you just said with your modifier?


5. There is a very large segment of our society who believe that Barack Obama, indeed, was not born in the United States. / Believes. / Huh? / The segment believes.  Segment is singular. / I said segment of our society. / That’s still singular.

6.  His grandmother from Kenya stated, on tape, that he was born in Kenya and she was there to watch the birth.

False.  Yawn.


7.  His family in Honolulu is fighting over which hospital in Hawaii he was born in – they just don’t know.

False.  Yawn.


8. He has not been able to produce a “birth certificate” but merely a totally unsigned “certificate of live birth” – which is totally different and of very little significance.

False.  Yawn.



9. … there are no records in Hawaii that a Barack Hussein Obama was born there-no bills, no doctors names, no nurses names, no registrations, no payments, etc.

False.  Yawn.  Ad nauseam.


But wait.  Why don’t we know the nurses names?!!!  It’s a conspiracy!!!

10. As far as the two notices placed in newspapers, many things could have happened, but some feel the grandparents put an ad in order to show that he was a citizen of the U.S. with all of the benefits thereto.  / Two notices – Multiple.  Ads. / … Put an ad where?

11. I’m a really smart guy. I was a really good student at the best school in the country.


12. Had this been George Bush or almost any other President or Presidential aspirant, they would never have been allowed to attain office, or would have been thrown out of office very quickly. / He or she.  Not they.

13. In other words, they would become the hottest writer since Watergate, or beyond. / “they” can’t become “a writer”; They can’t become the hottest writer since Watergate because Watergate wasn’t a writer; “hottest” is a way to describe a Miss America contestant not a journalist; and when you end a sentence with “Watergate, or beyond” you sound like Buzz Lightyear from Toy Story.

14.  We believe the letter includes the following punctuation errors:

bestsellers), is

Ms. Collins’s advice

For some reason, the press protects

15. You can tell Obama did the second book himself because it read like it was written by somebody of average intelligence with a high school education.

Collins, Gail, Donald Trump Fights Back, New York Times, April 8, 2011



We at Mock The Dummy take the position that a person who makes these basic errors in grammar and punctuation could not pass Wharton’s rigorous admissions standards.  We demand that Donald Trump (or Wharton Business School) release the application, including the GMAT scores.  The topline number will not be sufficient. We demand release of the long-form GMAT score, which includes separate math and verbal scores.

Related posts:

How Dummies Protect Marriage
Does Someone Think You’re A Dummy?
When Dummies Pray For A Savior (SCRIPT)

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12 Responses to When Dummies Forget Why They Have Handlers

  1. Deb Johnston on April 13, 2011 at 7:12 pm


  2. Ace on April 14, 2011 at 1:18 am

    ..and a natural born citizen of the United States of America. Upon closer look, that fucking Toupee was made in China.

    • Mike on April 23, 2011 at 8:00 pm

      I fucking knew it! That’s the best they’ve got? That lying sawed-off circus midget…. Fuck!

  3. Glen Tomkins on April 15, 2011 at 1:39 pm

    The Hightower Effect

    You guys are never going to be elected president because that dummy on the left is smarter than I am. Even worse, that dummy on the right has better command of grammar and syntax than the fourth-grade reading level we are told you have to aim for when writing for the general public, yet still the dummy on the left flays him alive.

    Jim Hightower famously joked that Bush the Elder was born on third base but thinks he hit a triple. A funny joke, but unfortunately, way too cloe to home with the majority of the electorate, who kind of like the fact that they were born on first base because they kind of doubt they could hit a single. Bush became president, Hightower never came close, despite being more intelligent than Bush.

  4. Goatboyslim on April 15, 2011 at 1:58 pm

    Where did you find someone willing to stick their hand up in there, when the end result was Donald Trump talking?

  5. El Ronbo on April 15, 2011 at 2:16 pm

    Trump’s claim to political legitimacy lies in his supposed great business skills – well, he couldn’t exactly get there on his record of public service.

    This is a guy who became a billionaire by the hard work and brilliant strategy of being born the son of a billionaire. And then proceeded to lose money on New York City real estate, not an easy thing to do.

    But most astounding is his ability to bankrupt his casino ventures. A casino, a business in which customers walk in with pockets full of cash,. and are virtually guaranteed by the laws of probability to leave a portion of it with you – in the long run, the house always wins – and Trump manages to run that in to the ground.

    Oh yeah, brilliant executive experience. I can see why they think he’s White House material.

  6. [...] these NOTES that focus specifically on the punctuation and grammatical errors, with italics to emphasize the [...]

  7. Jerry on April 17, 2011 at 8:25 am

    I’m sure the videos are great. I would love to see one. All I get is the “this content is not available in your country” black screen. Is there any reason for censoring this stuff in Germany?

    • Mock The Dummy on April 18, 2011 at 8:16 pm

      The Germany issue has been reported to us by a number of individuals. We don’t know why our videos are not available in Germany. We understand that Germany blocks YouTube videos with music content if there is a question of copyright ownership. However, we own all rights to the music in our videos.

  8. HCV on April 17, 2011 at 1:21 pm

    A pet peeve of mine that you missed: “as far as” should either be

    “as for”

    or the construct

    “as far as mumble is concerned.”

    I’d also like to point out that his key premise here, that if a reporter were to uncover this grand conspiracy he or she would be the hottest thing out there, is actually a strong proof point against the birthers. Because, the press knows this would be huge. They’re not dumb. This is their business. And yet, no revelations.

    To paraphrase Al Franken: the media does not have a pro-Obama bias; they have a pro-money bias. If there were money to be made, and make no mistake about, there would be serious bank for the journalist who ripped the lid off of something like this, they would not be sitting on it. So, Trump helps to undermine his own point. Surprise.

    Oh, and a minor ding on your otherwise excellent work: there should be an apostrophe in “why don’t we know the nurses’ names?”

  9. Chuck from NY on April 17, 2011 at 5:23 pm

    As someone who has met Donald Trump, this is the best caricature of him that I have ever seen. I truly hope that he runs for President on the Republican ticket. I can envision his rhetoric now… “Why am I running? This is the best country in the world, or so my people tell me.”

  10. Cindy on April 23, 2011 at 5:45 pm

    “Ms. Collins’s advice” is correct. It would also be correct without the second s. Both possessive forms are acceptable; the former is more traditional.

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