Why Dummies Shut Down Government

October 7, 2013


Dummy: I be a dummy.
A dummy I be.
Welcome to my Tea Party.

We dummies have successfully shut down the government for one week. (Yippee!)
Why you might ask.
Here is the speaker of the Dummies to explain.

Ted Cruz Dummy Reads from Green Eggs and Ham

(Dummy walks right past John Boehner Dummy to speak to Ted Cruz Dummy, who is appropriately wearing a clown nose and reading from Green Eggs and Ham by Dr. Seuss)

Ted Cruz Dummy: Ahem.
I do not like Obamacare.
I do not want it anywhere.
And since you all will not agree
I’m killing the economy.

Dummy: But you may like it
You will see.
Even in
your Tea Party.
Your Tea Party’s on Medicare
They just may like Obamacare.

Ted Cruz Dummy: I do not like it
Dummy I be.
It won’t be in my Tea Party.
I do not like Obamacare
You strip it from the public square
And if you don’t, well, you will see
I’ll kill this whole economy
I’ll kill for lady liberty
I’ll bring Obama to his knee
I’ll seize a spot in history
They’ll know my name
Ted Cruz Dummy.

Sarah Palin Dummy: Go Rogue, Ted! You betcha!

Sarah Palin Dummy cheers Ted Cruz Dummy

(Ted Cruz Dummy smacks Sarah Palin Dummy with Green Eggs and Ham)

Dummy: You do not like it
So you say.
Try it! Try it!
And you may.
Try it and you may, I say.

Ted Cruz Dummy: I will not try it
Dummy I be.
I will not try it
With my Tea.
I will not try it here or there
I do not like Obamacare!
You cannot make me
You will see.
I’ll kill the whole economy
You’ll see my name in history
Or I’m not Ted Cruz Dummy

Ted Cruz Dummy lives in a Seussical World

Dummy: Anything to add, Mr. Speaker?

John Boehner Dummy: We’re bringing fairness to the American people under Obamacare
And doing something about our spending problem.

Dummy: Anything else?

(John Boehner Dummy looks to Ted Cruz Dummy for help)

Ted Cruz Dummy: This isn’t a game.

John Boehner Dummy: This isn’t some damn game. (hic)

(John Boehner Dummy collapses)

John Boeher Dummy explains

Dummy: Dummies, wake up! Stick to your guns. Stay together. Nothing short of full repeal. Or one year delay. Or strip out the tax on medical devices. Or come to the table for a discussion. We have the hostage. We’re going to shoot. And guarantee all back pay.

We have to get something out of this
And I don’t know what that even is.


Related posts:

How Dummies Escape from a Police State
How Dummies Restore Honor
Does Someone Think You’re A Dummy?

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