How Dummies Set A New Tone

HOW DUMMIES SET A NEW TONE

Dummy 1:  Welcome to our Tea Party.  We dummies are inspired.

Dummy 2:  Infatuated.

Dummy 1:  Indescribably impressed by our new Speaker of the House.

We want you to feel as tingly as we do.  Come with us now to the House floor and we’ll see if we can get a glimpse of Boehner.

John Boehner Dummy:  B(ay)ner.  Dummies, it’s time for Washington to have a new tone.  And I don’t mean Orange.  Come a little closer.  I want to show you what’s here in my pocket.

Dummy 1:  What’s that there in your pocket?  Boehner?

John Boehner Dummy: B(ay)ner.  Here in my pocket is my Constitution.

Dummy 2:  Ooh.  You keep it in your pocket?

John Boehner Dummy: Would you like me to whip it out and wave it around?

Dummy 2:  Yes, yes.  I’d love to see that, Boehner.

John Boehner Dummy: B(ay)ner.  Here it is, and “I’m going to stand here with the Founding Fathers, who wrote in the preamble, ‘We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal, that they are endowed … by their creator with certain … unalienable rights, including life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness.”

Dummy 1:  Actually they wrote that in the Declaration of Independence.

John Boehner Dummy: Same difference. (hic)

And to set the new tone in Washington, we’re going to read our beloved Constitution to you.  (falls)

Dummy 2:  You have to admit, when he’s up there standing at attention, so tall and firm, doesn’t it make you proud to follow Boehner?

John Boehner Dummy:  B(ay)ner.

Dummy 1:  Yes, dummy.  We should also have a new tone and start our program by reading the Constitution of the United States of America. (Yippee!)

Dummy 2:  Do you think that will be good for ratings?

Dummy 1:  Absolutely.  The American people love the Constitution.

Dummy 2:  Okay.

Dummy 1:  We the people

Dummy 2:  that’s my favorite part.

Dummy 1 & 2:  WE THE PEOPLE (YAY!)

Dummy 1:  in order to form a more perfect Union, establish Justice, insure domestic Tranquility,  provide for the common defense, promote the general Welfare, and secure the Blessings of Liberty to ourselves and our Posterity, (And to make a Christian country) do ordain and establish this Constitution for the United States of America.

Dummies:  Yipee!

Dummy 2:  Nice addition.

Dummy 1:  That’s what the founders intended.

Article one, the legislative branch.  Section one, the legislature.

Dummy 2:  Booo!

Dummy 1:  All legislative Powers herein granted shall be vested in a Congress of the United States, which shall consist of a Senate and a House of Representatives.

Dummy 2:  Unless they become tyrannical.

Dummy 1:  Section two, the House.

Dummy 2:  Wait a minute.  You’re really going to read the Constitution?

Dummy 1:  Do you have a problem with that?

Dummy 2:  No.  I … read it all the time.

Dummy 1:  Okay then.  The House of Representatives shall be composed of Members chosen every second Year by the People

Dummy 2:  We the people

Dummy 1:  of the Several States, and the Electors in each State shall have the Qualifications requisite for Electors of the most numerous Branch of the State Legislature.

Jester Dummy:  It’s like poetry.

Wig Dummy:  But without the rhyming.

Dummy 1:  No Person shall be a Representative who shall not have attained to the Age of twenty five Years, and been seven Years a Citizen of the United States, and who shall not, when elected, be an Inhabitant of that State in which he shall be chosen.

Dummy 2:  You could have skipped that part.

Dummy 1:  This is the Constitution of the United States of America.  Would you skip the Second commandment?

Dummy 2:  No.

Dummy 1:  Would you skip the book of Exodus?

Dummy 2:  No.

Dummy 1:  Would you skip Faith 101 at Beck University?

Dummy 2:  Hell no.

Dummy 1:  Okay then.

Representatives and the direct Taxes shall be apportioned among the several States which may be included within this Union, according to their respective Numbers, which shall be determined by adding to the whole Number of free Persons, including those bound to Service for a Term of Years, and excluding Indians not taxed, three fifths of all other Persons. Those were the slaves.

Dummy 2:  What were?

Dummy 1:  The actual Enumeration shall be made within three Years after the first Meeting of the Congress of the United States, and within every subsequent Term of ten Years, in such Manners as they shall by Law direct.  The Number of Representatives shall not exceed one for every thirty Thousand, but each State shall have at Least one Representative; and until such enumeration shall be made, the State of New Hampshire shall be entitled to choose three, Massachusetts eight, Rhode Island and Providence Plantations one, Connecticut five, New York six, New Jersey four, Pennsylvania eight, Delaware one, Maryland six, Virginia ten, North Carolina five, South Carolina five and Georgia three.

Dummy 2:  You’re going to read this whole thing?

Dummy 1:  What’s the matter with you?  Would you rather have me read the United Nations Framework Convention on Climate Change?

Dummy 2:  No.

Dummy 1:  The communist manifesto?

Dummy 2:  No, no.

Dummy 1:  A recipe for French Toast.

Dummy 2:  No, God, no.  I love this.  It’s amazing.  Please keep going.

Dummy 1:  When vacancies happen in the Representation from any State, the Executive Authority thereof shall issue Writs of Election to fill such Vacancies. (Looks, nods)

The House of Representative shall choose their Speaker and other Officers; and shall have the sole Power of Impeachment.

Dummy 2:  Impeach Obama! YAY!!  The most corrupt President ever with his Chicago style shakedowns and his Harvard elitism. (AAAA!)  Dummies, wake up!  He’s surrounded himself with communists! (AAA!)  He’s appointing a few more Czars!  (AAAA!)  He’s the antichrist surrounded by a liberal media elite engaging daily in blood libel.  (AAA!)

Dummy 1:  Am I boring you?

Dummy 2:  Boring?  No.  We dummies love the Constitution.  We need to take it back.

Wig Dummy:  To before soap.

Dummy 1:  A little reverence.  Please.  Section three, The Senate.  The Senate of the United States shall be composed of two Senators from each State, Chosen by the Legislature thereof for six Years; and each Senator shall have one Vote.

Dummy 2:  Are we about halfway done now?

Dummy 1:  Dummy, we’re just getting started.

Dummy 2:  It’s going to be a long year.

Tex:  RELEASE THE BIRTH CERTIFICATE

HOW DUMMIES SET A NEW TONE

NOTES

  1. It’s time for Washington to have a new tone … And to set the new tone in Washington, we’re going to read our beloved Constitution to you.

“Republicans in the House of Representatives flexed their new political muscle with a multiple-hour, line-by-line reading of the Constitution. It was the first time that such a reading had taken place publicly in the chamber and it fulfilled a campaign pledge pushed by the GOP’s conservative wing and the ‘ tea party” movement.”

House Reads the Constitution, line by line; Michael Muskal, Los Angeles Times, 1-6-2011, http://articles.latimes.com/2011/jan/06/news/la-pn-constitution-congress-20110106

  1. Here in my pocket is my constitution.

“ ‘This is my copy of the Constitution,’  John Boehner, the Speaker of the House, said at a Tea Party rally in Ohio last year, holding up a pocket-size pamphlet.”

The Commandments, Jill Lepore, The New Yorker, 1-17-2011

  1. Here it is, and “I’m going to stand here with the Founding Fathers, who wrote in the preamble, ‘We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their creator with certain unalienable rights, including life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness.”

“ ‘I’m going to stand here with the Founding Fathers, who wrote in the preamble, ‘We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their creator with certain unalienable rights, including life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness.’ Not to nitpick, but this is not the preamble to the Constitution.  It is the second sentence of the Declaration of Independence.”

The Commandments, Jill Lepore, The New Yorker, 1-17-2011

  1. “We the people-“ “That’s my favorite part.”

Could there be any doubt? 😉

  1. And to make a Christian country … That’s what the founders intended.

“Our Founders expected that Christianity — and no other religion — would receive support from the government as long as that support did not violate peoples’ consciences and their right to worship. They would have found utterly incredible the idea that all religions, including paganism, be treated with equal deference.”

Texas Republican Party Platform, http://www.theocracywatch.org/texas_gop.htm

  1. Impeach Obama! Yay!

http://www.impeachobamacampaign.com/

  1. The most corrupt President ever…

Incoming House Oversight and Government Reform Committee Chairman Darrell Issa, R-Calif., said on Sunday that when he previously said during a radio interview Rush Limbaugh that Obama “has been one of the most corrupt presidents in modern times,” he was referring to the Obama administration and not the president himself.

http://nation.foxnews.com/politics/2011/01/03/one-most-corrupt-presidents-modern-times#ixzz1CRccgqPY

  1. … with his Chicago-Style Shakedowns …

House Conservatives Call Escrow Account ‘Chicago Style Shakedown’ http://tpmlivewire.talkingpointsmemo.com/2010/06/house-conservatives-call-escrow-account-chicago-style-shakedown.php

  1. … and his Harvard elitism.

Asked whether Obama shares most Americans’ values on the mosque and other issues, Paul responds: “I think he is a liberal elitist and that he believes that he knows what is best for people. And this is true of a lot of liberals.

Rand Paul: Obama’s Elitism on Display in Mosque Debate

  1. He’s surrounded himself with communists!

Glenn “McCarthy” Beck tries to link Communists to Obama, but they don’t cooperate, David Neiwert, Crooks & Liars. http://crooksandliars.com/david-neiwert/glenn-mccarthy-beck-tries-link-commu

  1. He’s appointing a few more Czars!

List of Obama’s Czars, Glenn Beck, 8-21-2009 http://www.glennbeck.com/content/articles/article/198/29391/

  1. He’s the antichrist …

http://www.obamaantichrist.org/category/obama-antichrist/

  1. … surrounded by a liberal media elite …

http://www.conservapedia.com/Liberal_media_elite

  1. … engaging daily in blood libel.

“Within hours of a tragedy unfolding, journalists and pundits should not manufacture a blood libel that serves only to incite the very hatred and violence they purport to condemn. That is reprehensible.”  Sarah Palin, Sarah Palin Swings at Media’s Blood Libel, Kate Schwartz, 1-12-2011 http://www.newser.com/story/109570/sarah-palin-swings-at-medias-blood-libel.html

How Dummies Set A New Tone

Return of the Dummies

Return of the Dummies

Dummy 1:  Welcome to my Tea Party.

Dummy 2:  Dummy, you’re alive!

Dummy 1:  Well, no. heh heh.  But how many talking heads will admit that?  Did you miss me?

Dummy 2:  Did I?  I was just saying the other day – what happened to all the hysteria of the tea party dummies?  After all, the White House is still occupied by a Muslim with no birth certificate.  (AAA!)  The socialists in Congress are still spending our grandchildren’s future. (AAA!) The death panels are still coming for your grandma and mine.  (AAA!)  The serial cheaters in Russia have tricked us in to reducing our nuclear arsenal.  (AAA!)  And now, despite John McCain’s efforts, our troops have to worry when a soldier says “I’ll watch your back”.  (AAA!)

Dummy 1:  That gay agenda.  It sure gave John a mighty blow.  (pause.)

Dummy 2:  Yeah, so why aren’t we dummies rallying in the streets?  Where’s the outrage?  Where’s the revolution?

Dummy 1:  Funny you should ask.

You see, just as we dummies independently, spontaneously, simultaneously rose up at a grass-roots level to protest bailouts and big government tyranny (AAA!) we also independently, spontaneously, simultaneously decided to quiet down once the fall media cycle ended.

Dummy 2:  But why?  Aren’t we still mad as hell?  Isn’t our government still spending, spending, spending?  Don’t we still need to take our country back?

Wig Dummy:  To when we cured laryngitis by using leeches.

Dummy 1:  Yes.  But for now just wait.  We’ll help you see the defining moment of the new narrative for the next iteration of Constitutional Conservatism.  Then you’ll know it’s time to start screaming and gnashing your teeth again.  In the meantime, we have some quality entertainment for you.  Here’s a sample.

Alaska commercial

Dummy 1:  We’re back.  Did you like that, dummy?

Dummy 2:  Yes, Dummy.  And I could just picture that dummy shooting any RINO who votes to raise the debt ceiling this spring.

Dummy 1:  And that buzzer means that’s all for today.  But let us leave you with these simple common sense warnings.

Any government that’s big enough to require health care providers to adopt electronic systems instead of paper-based systems  is also big enough to require you to abort your children and euthanize your parents. (AAA!)  Any government that wants to tax marginal gross adjusted income above $380,000 at 39.6% instead of 35% is also big enough to steal all of your money and everything you own.  (AAA!)  Any government that’s big enough to require financial institutions to retain 8.5% of tier 1 capital is also big enough to send gay soldiers into your home to rape your sons, your daughters and even your dogs. (AAA!)

Our Tea Party candidates will now do their best to repeal the JOB KILLING HEALTH CARE ACT.  (AAA!)

It’s a long shot, but maybe we’ll lucky and someone will –

Puppet:  KILL ALL THE DEMOCRATS!

Dummy 1:  Now, now.  Don’t mind the puppet.  He’s just a puppet and doesn’t know what he’s saying.

Puppet:  RIGHT.

Dummy 1:  Honestly, I don’t know who puts these ideas into his furry little head.

Puppet:  RIGHT.

Dummy 2:  Maybe the Tooth Fairy.

Dummy 1:  Dummies, Stay tuned.  The battle against the evil galactic empire has only just begun.

Tex:  RELEASE THE BIRTH CERTIFICATE

Return of the Dummies