Return of the Dummies

Return of the Dummies

Dummy 1:  Welcome to my Tea Party.

Dummy 2:  Dummy, you’re alive!

Dummy 1:  Well, no. heh heh.  But how many talking heads will admit that?  Did you miss me?

Dummy 2:  Did I?  I was just saying the other day – what happened to all the hysteria of the tea party dummies?  After all, the White House is still occupied by a Muslim with no birth certificate.  (AAA!)  The socialists in Congress are still spending our grandchildren’s future. (AAA!) The death panels are still coming for your grandma and mine.  (AAA!)  The serial cheaters in Russia have tricked us in to reducing our nuclear arsenal.  (AAA!)  And now, despite John McCain’s efforts, our troops have to worry when a soldier says “I’ll watch your back”.  (AAA!)

Dummy 1:  That gay agenda.  It sure gave John a mighty blow.  (pause.)

Dummy 2:  Yeah, so why aren’t we dummies rallying in the streets?  Where’s the outrage?  Where’s the revolution?

Dummy 1:  Funny you should ask.

You see, just as we dummies independently, spontaneously, simultaneously rose up at a grass-roots level to protest bailouts and big government tyranny (AAA!) we also independently, spontaneously, simultaneously decided to quiet down once the fall media cycle ended.

Dummy 2:  But why?  Aren’t we still mad as hell?  Isn’t our government still spending, spending, spending?  Don’t we still need to take our country back?

Wig Dummy:  To when we cured laryngitis by using leeches.

Dummy 1:  Yes.  But for now just wait.  We’ll help you see the defining moment of the new narrative for the next iteration of Constitutional Conservatism.  Then you’ll know it’s time to start screaming and gnashing your teeth again.  In the meantime, we have some quality entertainment for you.  Here’s a sample.

Alaska commercial

Dummy 1:  We’re back.  Did you like that, dummy?

Dummy 2:  Yes, Dummy.  And I could just picture that dummy shooting any RINO who votes to raise the debt ceiling this spring.

Dummy 1:  And that buzzer means that’s all for today.  But let us leave you with these simple common sense warnings.

Any government that’s big enough to require health care providers to adopt electronic systems instead of paper-based systems  is also big enough to require you to abort your children and euthanize your parents. (AAA!)  Any government that wants to tax marginal gross adjusted income above $380,000 at 39.6% instead of 35% is also big enough to steal all of your money and everything you own.  (AAA!)  Any government that’s big enough to require financial institutions to retain 8.5% of tier 1 capital is also big enough to send gay soldiers into your home to rape your sons, your daughters and even your dogs. (AAA!)

Our Tea Party candidates will now do their best to repeal the JOB KILLING HEALTH CARE ACT.  (AAA!)

It’s a long shot, but maybe we’ll lucky and someone will –


Dummy 1:  Now, now.  Don’t mind the puppet.  He’s just a puppet and doesn’t know what he’s saying.

Puppet:  RIGHT.

Dummy 1:  Honestly, I don’t know who puts these ideas into his furry little head.

Puppet:  RIGHT.

Dummy 2:  Maybe the Tooth Fairy.

Dummy 1:  Dummies, Stay tuned.  The battle against the evil galactic empire has only just begun.


Return of the Dummies

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