How Dummies Interpret the Events in Egypt

How Dummies Interpret the Events in Egypt

Glenn Beck Dummy:  Welcome to my Tea Party.  We dummies are very disturbed.  We want to talk about what’s going on in Egypt.

Sarah Palin Dummy:  Where?

Glenn Beck Dummy:  Egypt.  You know, in the Middle East.

Sarah Palin Dummy: Is that by Russia?

Glenn Beck Dummy:  No, dummy, it’s where Moses scared the Pharaoh with his asps.

Sarah Palin Dummy: Oh yeah.  By Buffalo.   I can see it from my house.

Glenn Beck Dummy:  Dummies, wake up!   It’s happening fast and none of it is good.

Sarah Palin Dummy: What is?

Glenn Beck Dummy:  Dummy, the Egyptian revolution.

Sarah Palin Dummy: Of course.  Now everybody wants to follow the Tea Party and be revolting.

Glenn Beck Dummy:  It is like watching history repeat itself before our eyes.  It’s chaos.  This is not a happy group of people.

Sarah Palin Dummy: You betcha.  And nobody yet has explained to the American public what they know, and surely they know more than the rest of us know who it is who will be taking the place of Mubarak and no, not, not real enthused about what it is that that’s being done on a national level and from DC in regards to understanding all the situation there in Egypt.

Glenn Beck Dummy:  Dummy, go tweet.

Dummies, wake up!  Remember what I said was happening on day two of this revolt.

I said radical Islamists, Communists and Socialists will work together against Israel, will work together against capitalism, will work together to overthrow and overturn stability.  Mocked.  Mocked for it.  Well, here is what the NY times says today.

“In the process many have formed some unusual bonds that reflect the non-idological character of the Egyptian youth revolt, which encompasses liberals, socialists and members of the Muslim Brotherhood, notice they don’t say communists … yet.  (AAA!)  Quote.  “I like the brotherhood most and they like me” says Sally Moore, a psychiatrist – that should have her head checked – a Coptic Christian and an avowed leftist (AAA!) and feminist (AAA!) of mixed Irish and Egyptian roots (AAA!), “they always have a hidden agenda, we know, and you never know when power comes how they’ll behave” – excuse me?  Could we take this 32 year old nincompoop and set her on fire?  (AAA!)  I know and you know that they have a hidden agenda – what do you think that hidden agenda is little miss leftist, feminist Christian?  Oh, I don’t know, does it involve a big sword to the head of people like you?  (AAA!) Why is this leftist willing to work with the brotherhood?  Quote.  But they’re very good with organizing.  Oh.  Oh.   They’re good at organizing.  Organizing for America.  Community organizing.  Who else do we know who was a community organizer?  (AAA!)

Why are we in so much trouble?  Why is America suffering from our own mistakes in the Middle East?  Why?  Because we have had the idea that the enemy of my enemy is my friend.   I’ve got news for ya!  He’s not your friend.  He’s your enemy.  (AAA!)

How have we survived this long being this stupid?  (long pause)  Are you kidding me?  All these Harvard know-it-alls will see this.  In the paper.  Front page.  But they’ll say “oh this is crazy. Oh, he says it’s gonna cascade into a revolution throughout the Middle East and it could possibly effect Europe and London.  Oh that’s crazy talk.  Really? (Nazi)

And of course our President, the “organizer”, our President is proud of the youth.

He says “This is a day of transformation.”  Fundamental transformation Mister President?  (AAA!) Because the people have called for CHANGE.  Your slogan too.  (AAA!) And it’s mainly young people.  Just like you.  (AAA!) Thank you for your leadership and guidance Mister President. (Nazi)

Do you know why I have bored you to tears for two and half, three weeks on this story?

Jester Dummy:  To pretend like you know what’s going on?

Glenn Beck Dummy:  No, dummy, because everyone has said this program was crazy.

Jester Dummy:  oh.

Glenn Beck Dummy:  I have never said what I have said in the last two weeks which is this, I know I am right on this.  I’ve never said that.  I’ve never said, I know I’m right.  Why?  Because I know my gut.  And I wanted you to see it.

Jester Dummy:  Ew.

Glenn Beck Dummy:  I wanted this to be branded on your head.  Why?  Because I need you to question everything, not only that I say, but everybody else.

You are being manipulated.  These people didn’t come out in a grass-roots movement.  Dummies, there’s no grass in Egypt!  These people have been organized!  By a community organizer.  I don’t think this ends well for the people of Egypt.  You are watching the beginning and the birth of the New World Order.

Dummies: I thought the birth of the New World Order was the creation of the Illuminati in 1776.

No, it was the adoption of the Fourteenth Amendment in 1868.

No, it was when the bankers met at Jekyll Island in 1910.

No, it was the Federal Reserve Act of 1913.

No it was the founding of the Council on Foreign Relations in 1921.

No, it was the Social Security Act of 1935.

No, it was the United Nations in 1945.

The CIA in 1947.

The Civil Rights Act of 1964.

Medicare 1965.

Nixon ending the gold standard – 1971.

The Trilateral Commission in 1973.

The Intergovernmental Panel on Climate Change in 1988.

It was NAFTA in 1994.

It was the Patriot Act of 2001.

Jester Dummy:  I thought it was when the Presidency was hijacked by a Muslim from Kenya to usher in the secular socialist agenda in 2008.

Glenn Beck Dummy:  No, dummies, that was all just gestation.  This, the fall of Mubarak, this is the birth of the New World Order.

Dummies:  Oh. AAA!

Glenn Beck Dummy:  And you want to call me crazy?  Go to hell.  Call me crazy all you want.  (Nazi)   The world is heading towards a different place.  And don’t be taken there unaware.  And don’t you dare let your friends when they get there say “well how did this happen?”  It was happening while you were asleep. (Nazi)

My grandfather owned a farm.  I remember being about this tall and going to the place to buy chicken feed for the chickens.  Let me tell you something.  I remember the people that we bought the chicken feed from.  The people that are advising us don’t buy chicken feed from them.  (long pause) (Nazi)

Some people think we’re having a 1776 moment.  No.  No.  We’re having July 14, 1789.  That’s the one that ended with the guillotines in France.  They were both revolutions but only one ended with bloodshed.   There is a difference.

Tex:  RELEASE THE BIRTH CERTIFICATE

Glenn Beck Dummy:  Save me lord, please take me now.  There’d be a lot of people in America that would love it, let’s do it in dramatic fashion on tv, take me now Jesus.

(To the tune of Roxanne)

Fox Man

You don’t have to put on the red light

Your freakout days are numbered

You don’t have to sell your body to the right

Fox Ma’am

You don’t have to wear that dress tonight.

Shock and tweet for money

You don’t care if it’s wrong of it’s right.

NOTES

This is pretty much taken word for word from Glenn Beck’s Fox News Show at this link

Edited a little for brevity and humor.

How Dummies Interpret the Events in Egypt