Why Dummies Want to Take Wisconsin

WHY DUMMIES WANT TO TAKE WISCONSIN

19:10 into THE FAKE PHONE CALL…

David Koch Puppet Master:  Hahahaha.  Well, I tell you what, Scott: once you crush these bastards I’ll fly you out to Cali and really show you a good time.

Scott Walker Dummy:  All right, that would be outstanding.  Thanks a million!

David Koch Puppet Master:  Bye-bye!

Scott Walker Dummy:  Bye.

Dummy Babes:  Welcome to our Squee party.

Scott Walker Dummy:  What’s a squee party?

Dummy Babes:  It’s where we dummies get together and all go SQUEE!

Scott Walker Dummy:  All right!  This is outstanding!

Dummy Babes:  Squee!

David Koch Puppet Master:  Scotty, my man, Scotty!

Charles Koch Puppet Master:  The boy that doesn’t budge.

Scott Walker Dummy:  Hey David!

David Koch Puppet Master:  This is all for you, Scotty.  Hope it’s not too cheesy.

Scott Walker Dummy:  Are you kidding?  I love cheese!

David Koch Puppet Master:  This is an exciting time.  You’re one of us, Scotty.  Our man on the ground.  How’s it feel down there?

Scott Walker Dummy:  Outstanding!

David Koch Puppet Master:  You like the view?

Scott Walker Dummy:  Oh yes.

Dummy Babes:  Squee!

David Koch Puppet Master:  Read me the bill – that part in Section 44.  Make it sing, Scotty. You know what we want.

Scott Walker Dummy:  The department may sell any state−owned heating, cooling, and power plant or may contract with a private entity for the operation of any such plant, with or without solicitation of bids, for any amount that the department determines to be in the best interest of the state.

David Koch Puppet Master:  NO BID, BABY! HAHA!

Scott Walker Dummy:  No approval or certification of the public service commission is necessary for a public utility to purchase, or contract for the operation of, such a plant, and any such purchase is considered to be in the public interest and to comply with the criteria for certification of a project

David Koch Puppet Master:  Read it again, Scotty.  Slow, like you’re sucking on the spleen of a money grubbing Kindergarten Teacher.

Scott Walker Dummy:  The department may sell any state−owned heating, cooling, and power plant or may contract with a private entity for the operation of any such plant, with or without solicitation of bids, for any amount that the department determines to be in the best interest of the state.

David Koch Puppet Master:  Ooooh, once more, Scotty.  Fast, like Michele Malkin will kiss you if she catches you.

Scott Walker Dummy:  AAA!  The department may sell any state−owned heating, cooling, and power plant or may contract with a private entity for the operation of any such plant, with or without solicitation of bids, for any amount that the department determines to be in the best interest of the state.

David Koch Puppet Master:  And who’s got your best interests, Scotty?

Scott Walker Dummy:  Oh, you, sir, you.  Flint Hills Resources, Koch Pipeline Company, The C. Reiss Coal Company.  We’re giving ‘em all to you.

Dummy Babes:  Squee!

David Koch Puppet Master:  Atta boy, Scotty.  This is our moment.  This is our chance to change the course of history.  You’re doing the just and right thing for the right reasons, and it’s all about getting our freedoms back.

Scott Walker Dummy:  We’re taking our country back!

Jester Dummy:  to vertical monopolies for energy companies)

Dummy Babes:  SQUEE!

Scott Walker Dummy:  There’s no place like home.

Dummy:  Dummy

Scott Walker Dummy:  There’s no place like home.

Dummy:  Dummy

Scott Walker Dummy:  There’s no place like-

Dummy:  Dummy, wake up!

Scott Walker Dummy:  Huh?

Dummy:  And we’re live.  Welcome back to our Tea Party.  I think you drifted off.

Scott Walker Dummy:  No.  I was in a special place.  And you were there.  And you were there.  And you were there too.

Dummies:  Hahaha.

Dummy:  You were telling our viewers how you’re ratcheting up the pressure on these lazy, wealthy union thugs.  (AAA!)  So are you ready to send those out?

Scott Walker Dummy:  Send what out?

Dummy:  The at-risk notices so you can lay off those six thousand state employees who are stealing our grandchildren’s future.  (AAA!)  You need to –

Puppet:  STARVE THEM AND THEIR FAMILIES TO DEATH!

Dummy:  Now, now.  Don’t mind the puppet.  He’s just emotional because if he can’t collectively bargain why should anybody else get to?

Puppet:  RIGHT!

Dummy:  We don’t want to starve them, puppet.  We just want them to take their proper place in society.

Puppet:  RIGHT!

Dummy:  So.  Back to the notices.  Are you ready to send those out?

Scott Walker Dummy:  Dummy, we’re ready.  I don’t budge.

Dummy Babes:  SQUEE!

DUMMIES WAKE UP

Tex:  RELEASE THE BIRTH CERTIFICATE

WHY DUMMIES WANT TO TAKE WISCONSIN

NOTES

  1. “19:10 into THE FAKE PHONE CALL…”

On Tuesday, February 22, Buffalo Beast blogger, Ian Murphy, called Wisconsin Governor, Scott Walker, pretending to be billionaire, David Koch, of Koch Industries.  A transcript of the 20 minute plus call can be found here:

http://host.madison.com/wsj/article_531276b6-3f6a-11e0-b288-001cc4c002e0.html?mode=story

  1. “Well, I tell you what, Scott: once you crush these bastards I’ll fly you out to Cali and really show you a good time.”

“All right, that would be outstanding.  Thanks a million!”

“Bye-bye!”

“Bye.”

“Murphy: Well, I tell you what, Scott: once you crush these bastards I’ll fly you out to Cali and really show you a good time.

Walker: All right, that would be outstanding. Thanks, thanks for all the support and helping us move the cause forward, and we appreciate it. We’re, uh, we’re doing the just and right thing for the right reasons, and it’s all about getting our freedoms back.

Murphy: Absolutely. And, you know, we have a little bit of a vested interest as well. [Laughs]

Walker: Well, that’s just it. The bottom line is we’re gonna get the world moving here because it’s the right thing to do.

Murphy: All right then.

Walker: Thanks a million!

Murphy: Bye-bye!

Walker: Bye.”

http://host.madison.com/wsj/article_531276b6-3f6a-11e0-b288-001cc4c002e0.html?mode=story

  1. This is an exciting time. You’re one of us, Scotty. Our man on the ground.  How’s it feel down there?

Walker:  Well, actually, in his case I wouldn’t call him and I’ll tell you why: He’s pretty reasonable but he’s not one of us, um, so I would let him be. … …Yeah, well, thanks. This is an exciting time.

http://host.madison.com/wsj/article_531276b6-3f6a-11e0-b288-001cc4c002e0.html?mode=story

  1. “Read me the bill – that part in Section 44. Make it sing, Scotty. You know what we want.”

“The department may sell any state−owned heating, cooling, and power plant or may contract with a private entity for the operation of any such plant, with or without solicitation of bids, for any amount that the department determines to be in the best interest of the state. … No approval or certification of the public service commission is necessary for a public utility to purchase, or contract for the operation of, such a plant, and any such purchase is considered to be in the public interest and to comply with the criteria for certification of a project.”

Section 44.

16.896 of the statutes is created to read:

16.896 Sale or contractual operation of state−owned heating, cooling, and power plants. (1) Notwithstanding ss. 13.48 (14) (am) and 16.705 (1), the department may sell any state−owned heating, cooling, and power plant or may contract with a private entity for the operation of any such plant, with or without solicitation of bids, for any amount that the department determines to be in the best interest of the state. Notwithstanding ss. 196.49 and 196.80, no approval or certification of the public service commission is necessary for a public utility to purchase, or contract for the operation of, such a plant, and any such purchase is considered to be in the public interest and to comply with the criteria for certification of a project under s. 196.49 (3) (b).

http://ballotpedia.org/wiki/index.php/Wisconsin_Assembly_Bill_11,_the_%22Scott_Walker_Budget_Repair_Bill%22_%282011%29

  1. “And who’s got your best interests, Scotty?”

“Oh, you, sir, you.  Flint Hills Resources, Koch Pipeline Company, The C. Reiss Coal Company.  We’re giving ‘em all to you.”

See “Wisconsin Is a Battleground Against the Billionaire Kochs’ Plan to Break Labor’s Back”, Adele M. Stan, AlterNet, February 18, 2011

http://www.alternet.org/story/149965/wisconsin_is_a_battleground_against_the_billionaire_kochs%27_plan_to_break_labor%27s_back?page=entire

  1. This is our moment. This is our chance to change the course of history.  You’re doing the just and right thing for the right reasons, and it’s all about getting our freedoms back.

All statements made by Scott Walker during the fake phone call (replace “you’re with “we’re” at the beginning of the third sentence.

http://host.madison.com/wsj/article_531276b6-3f6a-11e0-b288-001cc4c002e0.html?mode=story

  1. You were telling our viewers how you’re ratcheting up the pressure on these lazy, wealthy union thugs … The at-risk notices so you can lay off those six thousand state employees who are stealing our grandchildren’s future.

“And each day we’re going to ratchet it up a little bit. … So we’re trying about four or five different angles, so each day we crank up a little bit more pressure. The other thing is I’ve got layoff notices ready. We put out the at-risk notices. We’ll announce Thursday, and they’ll go out early next week. And we’ll probably get 5 to 6,000 state workers will get at-risk notices for layoffs. We might ratchet that up a little bit, you know.”

http://host.madison.com/wsj/article_531276b6-3f6a-11e0-b288-001cc4c002e0.html?mode=story

  1. Dummy, we’re ready. I don’t budge.

“I’ve had three or four of my other business-leader friends who know him over the years, and just kind of pass the message on to these guys, if they think I’m caving, they’ve been asleep for the last eight years ’cause I’ve taken on every major battle in Milwaukee County and won, even in a county where I’m overwhelmingly overpowered politically, and, ’cause I don’t budge.”

http://host.madison.com/wsj/article_531276b6-3f6a-11e0-b288-001cc4c002e0.html?mode=story

Why Dummies Want to Take Wisconsin

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