How Dummies Beef Up Their Foreign Relations Credentials

HOW DUMMIES BEEF UP THEIR FOREIGN RELATIONS CREDENTIALS

Dummy:  Welcome to our Tea Party.  We dummies want to greet our special guest who just returned from Israel.  Welcome back.

Sarah Palin Dummy:  Lick Hiney.

Dummy:  Excuse me?

Sarah Palin Dummy:  That’s Jewish for “To life!”

Dummy:  I think you mean “L’Chaim”.

Sarah Palin Dummy:  Lick Hiney, Lick Haim.  English is a living language!  Shakespeare liked to coin new words too, Ya know.  Ya gotta celebrate English.

Dummy:  Hebrew.

Sarah Palin Dummy:  Yeah, that too.

Dummy:  Tell us about what you’re wearing.

Sarah Palin Dummy:  Well, it’s Neiman Marcus, but I bought this one myself.  And I have the receipt to prove it.

Dummy:  No, I mean around your neck.

Sarah Palin Dummy:  Oh, you betcha.  This is the star of David.  It symbolizes, uh, solidarity with the Jewish people and I wear it around my neck to remind myself that the brightest stars sometimes aren’t stars themselves, but actually just dance with the stars.  Plus I wanted to wear it when I met my new friend the Prime Minister. Ya know, Bibi.

Dummy:  And how was that meeting?

Sarah Palin Dummy:  Oh, he really liked me.  He said I was his little Schlemiel.

Dummy:  That’s terrific.

Sarah Palin Dummy:  And I feel a lot of connection with the Jewish people because, ya know, we’ve both been persecuted.  And we’ve both been victims of blood libel.

Dummy:  And what’s that on your head.

Sarah Palin Dummy:  Oh, this is a – Oh nuts.  I forgot what it’s called, but It’s a, a, it’s the little hat – you wear this to show deference to God when you are one of the chosen people.  Not to be confused with the chosen one who may have been the chosen one in 2008 but is definitely not among us chosen people.

Dummy:  Definitely not.

Sarah Palin Dummy:  How’s that whole hopey changey thing working out for you, chosen one?

Dummy:  (laughs) And tell us your thoughts about Israel.

Sarah Palin Dummy:  Well, other than the fact that their apologizing all the time, it’s absolutely beautiful and overwhelming to be able to see and touch the cornerstone of our faith.

Dummy:  The Jewish faith?

Sarah Palin Dummy:  Well no, the, look, Jesus was Jewish, ya know.

Dummy:  Right.

Sarah Palin Dummy:  And whether you call him, ya know, Jesus or the Messiah, we’re all waiting for him to come back.  And probably soon, ya know, with all the earthquakes and tsunamis and wars and rumors of wars and radiation and, ya know, the Antichrist in the White House.

Dummy:  Right.

Sarah Palin Dummy:  And whether you call him God or Jesus or YHWH it’s the same guy who knows when you’ve been sleeping and knows when you’re awake and knows if you’ve been bad or good so be good for goodness sake.

Dummy:  That’s right.

Sarah Palin Dummy:  Cuz, ya know, we start destroying our marriage traditions and suddenly there’s all these earthquakes.  I’m not saying, you know, God is causing earthquakes.  I’m not not saying that either.  What God does is God’s business.  But I’ll tell you this:  whether you call it Gaia or whether you call it Jesus – there is a message being sent.  And that is ‘Hey, you know that stuff we’re doing?  Not really working out real well.  Maybe we should stop doing some of it.’

Dummy:  Relying too heavily on nuclear energy and fossil fuels?

Sarah Palin Dummy:  No, dummy, gay marriage.  (AAA!)

Dummy:  Oh yeah.  Well, this trip certainly has shown that you have international credentials far beyond being able to see Russia from Alaska.

Sarah Palin Dummy:  Which is still valid.

Dummy:  How would our response to the war in Libya have been different with you as Commander in Chief?

Sarah Palin Dummy:  “Certainly there would have been more decisiveness, there would have been more commitment to making sure that those who are freedom fighters, who truly desire democracy and free and fair elections and respect for human rights and women’s rights, that they know that America is on their side.  So, yes, there would have been more decisiveness and less dithering’? Less dithering, more decisiveness.”

Dummy:  More decisiveness.

Sarah Palin Dummy:  That’s right. It’s important when you speak, ya know, that your statements in regards to what you’re saying are, ya know, really clear .  Real leadership, and this needs to come from our president – real leadership is a president who will seek to be informed and seek to inform the American public, and not get involved in what’s essentially a zoning issue in Israel and not, ya know, be engaged in, essentially, a war by committee in Libya.  We’re going to hand over command and control to a steering committee of our French and Arab League and North Korean allies.  It’s just, it’s important to be clear and to be informed.  Yamaka!  That’s it.  It’s a Yamaka!  I knew I’d get it.

Dummy:  Mazel Tov.

Sarah Palin Dummy:  Mazel your own toff, dummy.

Tex:  RELEASE THE BIRTH CERTIFICATE

Sarah Palin Dummy:  Who can get more fans?  This Steak or Sarah Palin?

Sarah Palin Dummy:  You will never have more fans than me and I will tell you why in two words.  You may be steak, but I am all sizzle.  And real Americans like sizzle.  Okay four words.

Donald Trump Dummy:  Release the Birth Certificate.  You’re fired.

HOW DUMMIES BEEF UP THEIR FOREIGN RELATIONS CREDENTIALS

NOTES

  1. English is a living language! Shakespeare liked to coin new words too, Ya know. Ya gotta celebrate English.

“‘Refudiate,’ ‘misunderestimate,’ ‘wee-wee’d up.’ English is a living language. Shakespeare liked to coin new words too. Got to celebrate it!”

Sarah Palin Tweet explaining her use of the word “refudiate”, July 18, 2010

http://www.cbsnews.com/8301-503544_162-20010892-503544.html

  1. Well, it’s Neiman Marcus, but I bought this one myself. And I have the receipt to prove it.

Jeanne Cummings, RNC Shells Out $150K For Palin Fasion, Politico, 10/22/2008

http://www.politico.com/news/stories/1008/14805.html

  1. This is the star of David. It symbolizes, uh, solidarity with the Jewish people and I wear it around my neck to remind myself that the brightest stars sometimes aren’t stars themselves, but actually just dance with the stars.

Elizabeth Tenety, Sarah Palin Sports Star of David Necklace During Israel Trip, Washington Post, 3/24/2011

http://www.washingtonpost.com/blogs/under-god/post/sarah-palin-sports-star-of-david-necklace-during-israel-trip/2011/03/23/ABbpITPB_blog.html

Sahryn Alfonsi, DWTS Dirty Politics?  Rage Behind Bristol Palin’s Success Intensifies, ABC News,  11/18/2010

http://abcnews.go.com/Entertainment/bristol-palin-dancing-stars-dirty-politics/story?id=12177892

  1. Plus I wanted to wear it when I met my new friend the Prime Minister. Ya know, Bibi.

Sarah Palin dines with Israel’s Netanyahu, France 24, 3/21/2011

http://www.france24.com/en/20110321-sarah-palin-dines-with-israels-netanyahu

  1. He said I was his little Schlemiel.

http://www.thefreedictionary.com/schlemiel

  1. And I feel a lot of connection with the Jewish people because, ya know, we’ve both been persecuted. And we’ve both been victims of blood libel.

John Whitesides, Palin’s “blood libel” charge ignites firestorm, Reuters, 1/12/2011

http://www.reuters.com/article/2011/01/12/us-usa-shooting-palin-idUSTRE70B3W320110112

  1. Not to be confused with the chosen one who may have been the chosen one in 2008 but is definitely not among us chosen people.

McCain Advert Mocks Obama As The Chosen One, Belfast Telegraph, 8/2/2008

http://www.belfasttelegraph.co.uk/breaking-news/world/north-america/mccain-advert-mocks-obama-as-the-chosen-one-13926803.html

  1. How’s that whole hopey changey thing working out for you, chosen one?

David Weigel, Palin Speaks:  ‘How’s That Hopey-Changey Thing Working Out For Ya?’, Washington Independent, 2/6/2010

http://washingtonindependent.com/75992/palin-speaks

  1. Well, other than the fact that they’re apologizing all the time, it’s absolutely beautiful and overwhelming to be able to see and touch the cornerstone of our faith.

James Oliphant, Sarah Palin in Jerusalem, Affirms Her Support For Israel, L.A. Times, 3/21/2011

http://articles.latimes.com/2011/mar/21/news/la-palin-israel-20110322

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=f1x87rdvQsU

  1. I’m not saying, you know, God is causing earthquakes. I’m not not saying that either. What God does is God’s business.  But I’ll tell you this:  whether you call it Gaia or whether you call it Jesus – there is a message being sent.  And that is ‘Hey, you know that stuff we’re doing?  Not really working out real well.  Maybe we should stop doing some of it.’

Ben Dimiero, Beck: “I’m Not Not Saying” God Is Causing Earthquakes, Media Matters, 3/14/2011

http://mediamatters.org/blog/201103140010

  1. Oh yeah. Well, this trip certainly has shown that you have international credentials far beyond being able to see Russia from Alaska.

Nico Pitney, Palion Talks Russia With Katie Couric, Huffington Post, 9/25/2008

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2008/09/25/palin-talks-russia-with-k_n_129318.html

  1. “Certainly there would have been more decisiveness, there would have been more commitment to making sure that those who are freedom fighters, who truly desire democracy and free and fair elections and respect for human rights and women’s rights, that they know that America is on their side. So, yes, there would have been more decisiveness and less dithering’? Less dithering, more decisiveness.”

James Oliphant, Sarah Palin in Jerusalem, Affirms Her Support For Israel, L.A. Times, 3/21/2011

http://articles.latimes.com/2011/mar/21/news/la-palin-israel-20110322

  1. Real leadership, and this needs to come from our president – real leadership is a president who will seek to be informed and seek to inform the American public, and not get involved in what’s essentially a zoning issue in Israel and not, ya know, be engaged in, essentially, a war by committee in Libya. We’re going to hand over command and control to a steering committee of our French and Arab League and North Korean allies.

Palin Speaks Out…, On The Record with Greta Van Sustern, Fox News, 3/23/2011

http://www.foxnews.com/on-air/on-the-record/transcript/palin-speaks-out-us-backed-mission-libya-israel-bill-maher-and-being-039tempted039-run-20

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2010/11/24/sarah-palin-north-korea_n_788107.html

  1. Release the Birth Certificate. You’re fired.

Kendra Marr, Donald Trump, Birther?, Politico, 3/17/2011

http://www.politico.com/news/stories/0311/51473.html

  1. You will never have more fans than me and I will tell you why in two words

Who can get more fans?  This Steak or Sarah P.A.L.I.N?

http://www.facebook.com/pages/Who-can-get-more-fans-This-Steak-or-Sarah-PALI-N/308104178721

How Dummies Beef Up Their Foreign Relations Credentials

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