How Dummies Bankrupt A Brand

HOW DUMMIES BANKRUPT A BRAND

Dummy:  Welcome to my Tea Party.  We dummies want to weigh in on the news of the day.  It may be the biggest story of the year.  Here to comment is our favorite sideshow dummy. Take it away, Donald.

Donald Trump Dummy:  Good morning.  Today I’m very proud of myself because I’ve been able to accomplish something that nobody else has been able to accomplish.  (Uh huh…) Maybe the most important accomplishment of our generation. (What could it be?)

Our president has finally released a birth certificate.  I am really proud.  I am really honored.

Dummy:  Any other big news?

Donald Trump Dummy:  Nobody could get him to do it.  And he did it because we went after him hard. We’re tough negotiators like this country needs.

Dummy:  Yes.

Donald Trump Dummy:  Now we can get on to issues and hopefully when I sit down with interviews people won’t start talking about birth certificate, birth certificate like they keep doing.

Dummy:  Terrific.  Thoughts on … anything else?

Donald Trump Dummy:  I am really honored, frankly, to have played such a big role in hopefully hopefully getting rid of this issue.  I’d want to look at it but I hope it’s true so that we can get onto much more important matters so the press can stop asking me questions.

Dummy:  Terrific.  And what are some of those more important matters.

Donald Trump Dummy:  I’ve heard that Obama was a terrible student, terrible.  How does a bad student go to Columbia and then to Harvard?  He needs to release his college records. (YAY!)

Dummy:  And what do you say to those lamestream liberals who say that you’re just a fat, loud, boorish racist.

Donald Trump Dummy:  I am not a racist.  I have a great relationship with the blacks.  The blacks love me.  They say “I pity da fool who think you don’t love da blacks.”

Dummy:  That’s what the blacks say?

Donald Trump Dummy:  Yes.  Or as the blacks would say. “Fo sho, negro.”

Dummy:  Okay then.

Donald Trump Dummy:  Now we can talk about oil.  We can talk about OPEC doing numbers on us like no one ever has before.  (AAA!) Can you believe it?  You’re going to be paying $5 and $6 dollars a gallon for gasoline pretty soon and they wanna go in and raise the price of oil because we have nobody in Washington that sits back and says “you’re not going to raise that fucking price, you understand me.” (YAY!) Or like the blacks would say “whachoo talkin about, Willis?”

Dummy:  So you would tell OPEC if you raise the price America will stop buying oil.

Donald Trump Dummy:  That’s right.  That’ll show those Arabs.

Dummy:  Yes.

Donald Trump Dummy:  I have a great relationship with the Arabs.  But Give me a break.  In the old days if you had a war and you won the war it was yours.    We should go in there and take the oil.   Or as the blacks would say GIMME ALL YOUR OIL OR I’LL PUT A CAP IN YOUR ASS. (AAA!)

That was a joke.  Don’t worry.  The blacks like jokes.

Dummy:  Okay.

Donald Trump Dummy:  We have weak, pathetic leadership. We have incompetent leadership.

Dummy:  Yes.

Donald Trump Dummy:  China this year is going to make on this country $300 billion dollars.  Why shouldn’t we make $300 billion?

Dummy:  Why didn’t I think of that?

Donald Trump Dummy:  I have a great relationship with the Chinese.  I made a lot of money off of them.  But here we have China ripping this country off like nobody’s ever seen before and we have the President of China come a few months ago to Washington and we give him a state dinner.  Now when people are screwing you you don’t give ‘em state dinners.  Our leaders our stupid, they’re stupid people.

Dummy:  And what would you do as President, dummy?

Donald Trump Dummy:  I’d call up that Chinese President – What’s his name?

Dummy:  Hu.

Donald Trump Dummy:  The Chinese President.

Dummy:  Hu.

Donald Trump Dummy:  The President of China.

Dummy:  Yes.

Donald Trump Dummy:  Now look, you and I know that China has a President.  So who’s in China?

Dummy:  Yes.

Donald Trump Dummy:  Well, go ahead and tell me.

Dummy:  Hu.

Donald Trump Dummy:  The guy in China.

Dummy:  Hu.

Donald Trump Dummy:  The chinaman.

Dummy:  That’s the man’s name.

Donald Trump Dummy:  When I call him up I gotta talk to someone. Now who is the someone I will talk to.

Dummy:  Yes.

Donald Trump Dummy:  Who?

Dummy:  Yes. The President is Hu.

Donald Trump Dummy:  You’re asking me?

Dummy:  I’m not asking you, I’m telling you.

Donald Trump Dummy:  You’re telling me it’s Who?

Dummy:  Absolutely.

Donald Trump Dummy:  Who is the President?

Dummy:  Absolutely.

Donald Trump Dummy:  When I call up the Chinese President, someone will answer the phone.  And that somebody would be who?

Dummy:  Absolutely.

Donald Trump Dummy:  Okay.

So I call up Absolutely and say ““Listen you motherfuckers we’re going to tax you 25%.”

Dummy:  You mean you would impose tariffs on Chinese goods to drive up the prices.

Donald Trump Dummy:  That’s right.

Dummy:  Dummy, you’re a genius.

Donald Trump Dummy:  Yes, I am.  Under the trump doctrine, fellas we love you very much, you want to sell to us, you build plants in our country.

Dummy:  And what about the higher unit labor costs.

Donald Trump Dummy:  Huh?

Dummy:  The higher cost of labor.  What do you do when your unit rises?

Donald Trump Dummy:  Well, I don’t show it to you, dummy.  No offense.  I have a great relationship with the gays.  Or as the blacks would say “homos are my homies.”

Dummy:  Dummy, is there any other news you would like to comment on?

Donald Trump Dummy:  Yeah.  The Rasmussen poll just came out and guess who’s number one?  Or as the blacks would say “Long live the King yo”.

Tex:  RELEASE A BIRTH CERTIFICATE THAT’S BEEN VALIDATED / VALIDATE THE BIRTH CERTIFICATE

Donald Trump Dummy:  My brand!  My brand!  Who is destroying my brand?  It’s that … Kenyan … Muslim.

 

Dummy:  So let me summarize.  More tariffs.  More taxes.  More regulations.  More business restrictions.  More federal purchasing power.  Did I miss anything?

Donald Trump Dummy:  Obama shows his college records.

Dummy:  Right.  So the Trump Doctrine, from our most favored Republican candidate, is about less free market and stronger government oversight.  Is that correct?

Donald Trump Dummy:  You’re fired.

HOW DUMMIES BANKRUPT A BRAND
NOTES

  1. “Good morning. Today I’m very proud of myself because I’ve been able to accomplish something that nobody else has been able to accomplish.”

Donald Trump, New Hampshire Press Conference, 4-27-11 (Video)

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2011/04/27/donald-trump-obama-birth-_n_854267.html

  1. “Our president has finally released a birth certificate. I am really proud.  I am really honored.”

Donald Trump, New Hampshire Press Conference, 4-27-11 (Video)

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2011/04/27/donald-trump-obama-birth-_n_854267.html

  1. “Nobody could get him to do it. And he did it because we went after him hard. We’re tough negotiators like this country needs.”

Donald Trump, Las Vegas Speech, 4-29-11 (Video)

http://video.theweek.com/video/Donald-Trumps-Las-Vegas-speech;News-Opinion#c=XDLZ2R0LBVK36TS4&t=Donald%20Trump%27s%20Las%20Vegas%20speech

  1. “Now we can get on to issues and hopefully when I sit down with interviews people won’t start talking about birth certificate, birth certificate like they keep doing.”

Donald Trump, New Hampshire Press Conference, 4-27-11 (Video)

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2011/04/27/donald-trump-obama-birth-_n_854267.html

  1. “I am really honored, frankly, to have played such a big role in hopefully hopefully getting rid of this issue. I’d want to look at it but I hope it’s true so that we can get onto much more important matters so the press can stop asking me questions.”

Donald Trump, New Hampshire Press Conference, 4-27-11 (Video)

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2011/04/27/donald-trump-obama-birth-_n_854267.html

  1. “I’ve heard that Obama was a terrible student, terrible. How does a bad student go to Columbia and then to Harvard?  He needs to release his college records.”

Donald Trump, Interview, 4-26-11 (Video)

http://nation.foxnews.com/president-obama-education-records/2011/04/25/trump-investigating-how-obama-got-harvard-he-was-terrib

  1. “I have a great relationship with the blacks.”

Donald Trump, Interview on Fred Dicker radio show, 4-14-11

http://firstread.msnbc.msn.com/_news/2011/04/14/6471219-trump-i-have-a-great-relationship-with-the-blacks

  1. “Now we can talk about oil … We can talk about OPEC doing numbers on us like no one ever has before.”

Donald Trump, New Hampshire Press Conference, 4-27-11 (Video)

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2011/04/27/donald-trump-obama-birth-_n_854267.html

  1. “Can you believe it? You’re going to be paying $5 and $6 dollars a gallon for gasoline pretty soon and they wanna go in and raise the price of oil because we have nobody in Washington that sits back and says ‘you’re not going to raise that fucking price, you understand me’.”

Donald Trump, Las Vegas Speech, 4-29-11 (Video)

http://video.theweek.com/video/Donald-Trumps-Las-Vegas-speech;News-Opinion#c=XDLZ2R0LBVK36TS4&t=Donald%20Trump%27s%20Las%20Vegas%20speech

  1. “Give me a break. In the old days if you had a war and you won the war it was yours.

So I said, we go in, we take the oil.”

Donald Trump, Las Vegas Speech, 4-29-11 (Video)

http://video.theweek.com/video/Donald-Trumps-Las-Vegas-speech;News-Opinion#c=XDLZ2R0LBVK36TS4&t=Donald%20Trump%27s%20Las%20Vegas%20speech

  1. “We have weak, pathetic leadership. We have incompetent leadership. …  China this year is going to make on this country $300 billion dollars. … Why shouldn’t we make $300 billion?”

Donald Trump, Las Vegas Speech, 4-29-11 (Video)

http://video.theweek.com/video/Donald-Trumps-Las-Vegas-speech;News-Opinion#c=XDLZ2R0LBVK36TS4&t=Donald%20Trump%27s%20Las%20Vegas%20speech

  1. I have a great relationship with the Chinese. I made a lot of money off of them.

“Phil, did I do well with the Chinese?”

Donald Trump, Las Vegas Speech, 4-29-11 (Video)

http://video.theweek.com/video/Donald-Trumps-Las-Vegas-speech;News-Opinion#c=XDLZ2R0LBVK36TS4&t=Donald%20Trump%27s%20Las%20Vegas%20speech

  1. “Here we have China ripping this country off like nobody’s ever seen before and we have the President of China come a few months ago to Washington and we give him a state dinner. Now when people are screwing you you don’t give ‘em state dinners. … Our leaders our stupid, they’re stupid people.”

Donald Trump, Las Vegas Speech, 4-29-11 (Video)

http://video.theweek.com/video/Donald-Trumps-Las-Vegas-speech;News-Opinion#c=XDLZ2R0LBVK36TS4&t=Donald%20Trump%27s%20Las%20Vegas%20speech

  1. Trump Dummy: I’d call up that Chinese President – What’s his name?\

Dummy:  Hu. ……

Nod to Abbott & Costello – “Who’s on first?”

  1. “Listen you motherfuckers we’re going to tax you 25%.”

Donald Trump, Las Vegas Speech, 4-29-11 (Video)

http://video.theweek.com/video/Donald-Trumps-Las-Vegas-speech;News-Opinion#c=XDLZ2R0LBVK36TS4&t=Donald%20Trump%27s%20Las%20Vegas%20speech

  1. “Under the trump doctrine, fellas we love you very much, you want to sell to us, you build plants in our country.”

Donald Trump, Las Vegas Speech, 4-29-11 (Video)

http://video.theweek.com/video/Donald-Trumps-Las-Vegas-speech;News-Opinion#c=XDLZ2R0LBVK36TS4&t=Donald%20Trump%27s%20Las%20Vegas%20speech

  1. “The Rasmussen poll just came out and guess who’s number one?”

Donald Trump, Las Vegas Speech, 4-29-11 (Video)

http://video.theweek.com/video/Donald-Trumps-Las-Vegas-speech;News-Opinion#c=XDLZ2R0LBVK36TS4&t=Donald%20Trump%27s%20Las%20Vegas%20speech

How Dummies Bankrupt A Brand