Hurricane Irene Meets The Dummies

 

Dummy 1:  Welcome to our Tea Party.  We dummies are broadcasting from New York.  Aaa!  There goes another dummy.  We’re in the middle of a hurricane.  We just suffered through an earthquake.  .  Dummies wake up!  We are seeing erratic weather more and more frequently all over the globe and it’s time for us to acknowledge something.  The signs have been evident for a long time, but some people still refuse to see them.  Experts have been telling us that this would occur if we kept doing certain things, but some of you are still in denial.  Dummies, the time has come to connect the dots.  The time has come to face the truth.  The time has come to realize why we’re being punished.

It’s because New York passed gay marriage.  (AAA!)  Dummies, we shouldn’t have let the gays marry!

AAAAAAA!

VALIDATE THE BIRTH CERTIFICATE

Hurricane Irene Meets The Dummies

When Titans Talk to Dummies (Part 3 of 3)

WHEN TITANS TALK TO DUMMIES
PART THREE
MOCK THE DUMMYs TAKE ON
MY RESPONSE TO BUFFET AND OBAMA
by Harvey Golub, Wall Street Journal, 8-22-11.

(Editors note: Mock The Dummy videos take a long time to make, which makes it difficult to respond to the news of the day in a timely manner. With recognition of this problem, and as an experiment, we would like to offer publication of first this script and then an audio only program. This is part three of a three part audio program. Part one can be accessed here: https://mockthedummy.com/2011/08/23/when-titans-talk-to-dummies/ and Part two can be accessed here: https://mockthedummy.com/2011/08/25/when-titans-talk-to-dummies-part-2/ We ask Mock The Dummy fans to take a breath, access their imagination, hear the tell-tale refrain of bells that signal the start of a video, and let your mind lead you…)

DUMMY: Welcome to my Tea Party. We dummies are back with part three of our audio program trilogy. If you’re joining us for the first time without hearing part one or two then all I can say is … Dummies wake up! Would you watch Return of the Jedi before Star Wars? Would you read The Book of Job before reading the Book of Genesis? Would you listen to the audiobook of Glenn Beck’s Arguing with Idiots before listening to The Real America? Go to one and two first.
We aren’t talking with Harvey Golub about his op ed MY RESPONSE TO BUFFET AND OBAMA, which appeared in tabloid king Rupert Murdock’s Wall Street Journal, along with other News Of The World. Instead we’re talking to a dummy.
Dummy, you were telling our listeners why the top marginal tax rate shouldn’t be raised to 39.6% from 35% because it’s unfair that those Americans living around the poverty line don’t pay their fair share in taxes and that’s unfair to mega millionaires like you. Isn’t that right?
GOLUB DUMMY: That’s what I wrote.
DUMMY: I know. And we’re doing our best to let others know too. Please, sir, carry on.
GOLUB DUMMY: “Governments have an obligation to spend our tax money on programs that work.”
DUMMY: Absolutely.
GOLUB DUMMY: “They fail at this fundamental task.”
DUMMY: Absolutely. And what government programs specifically are we talking about?
GOLUB DUMMY: All government programs, dummy. Government can’t do anything right. Everybody
knows that.
DUMMY: Anything more specific?
GOLUB DUMMY: “Do we really need dozens of retraining programs with no measure of performance or
results?”
DUMMY: No way.
Do we have those?
GOLUB DUMMY: “Do we really need to spend money on solar panels, windmills and battery-operated
cars when we have ample energy supplies in this country?”
PALIN DUMMY: Drill, baby, drill!
DUMMY: And Frack, baby, Frack!
GOLUB DUMMY: “Do we really need all the regulations that put an estimated $2 trillion burden on our
economy by raising the price of things we buy?”
DUMMY: Minimum wage. Workplace standards. Environmental protection. These things don’t do
anybody any good.
GOLUB DUMMY: “Do we really need subsidies for domestic sugar farmers and ethanol producers?”
DUMMY: And oil production and private equity.
And do we really need all these strippers?
GOLUB DUMMY: What are you talking about?
DUMMY: Oh, I thought we were just making sh** up. (making up sh**)
GOLUB DUMMY: “Why do we require that public projects pay above-market labor costs?”
DUMMY: And why do we keep feeding these unicorns?
GOLUB DUMMY: “Why do we spend billions on trains that no one will ride?”
DUMMY: No one rides trains. That’s so bourgeoisie.
GOLUB DUMMY: “Why do we keep post offices open in places no one lives?”
DUMMY: Why do we have congressional districts in places no one lives?
GOLUB DUMMY: “Why do we subsidize small airports in communities close to larger ones?”
DUMMY: I say we cut Alaska, Nebraska and both Dakotas.
GOLUB DUMMY: “Why do we pay government workers above-market rates and outlandish benefits?”
DUMMY: And what’s with the foot massages and free pedicures?
GOLUB DUMMY: “Do we really need an energy department or an education department at all?”
DUMMY: Every dummy I know says “no.”
PALIN DUMMY: We don’t need no education.
GOLUB DUMMY: “Here’s my message: Before you “ask” for more tax money” – And I put ask in
quotations because I know you’re not going to ask. You’re just going to take, take, take it. Take it all!
TAKE IT ALL! I’ll go on food stamps! My grandchildren will starve! You just take and take and take and
take! I hate you! I hate you! It’s not fair! It’s not fair! IT’S NOT FAIR!!!!!
DUMMY: Dummy? Dummy we’re still on the air. Dummy? Dummy? Dummy, get a grip!
GOLUB DUMMY: Ahem. Before you “ask” for more tax money from me and others, raise the $2.2
trillion you already collect each year more fairly and spend it more wisely. Then you’ll need less of my
money. MY Money. MY MONEY!!!!
DUMMY: Dummies you heard it here first. Our own private interview with a great America hero, a
Titan of industry. Represented by a dummy, sure, but who can tell the difference? That’s all for today.
If you like our work here at Mock The Dummy send us some love. And if you’d like to make a donation
to the Keep Harvey Golub Off Food Stamps Foundation, or KHGOFSF, just visit our website. I don’t know
about you but he sure persuaded me. No onerous return to a burdensome 4.9% on the top 1%. They
can’t afford it.
Tex:  RELEASE THE BIRTH CERTIFICATE

Mr. Golub, a former chairman and CEO of American Express, currently serves on the executive
committee of the American Enterprise Institute.

When Titans Talk To Dummies (Part 3 of 3)

When Titans Talk to Dummies (Part 2 of 3)

WHEN TITANS TALK TO DUMMIES

PART TWO

MOCK THE DUMMYs TAKE ON

 MY RESPONSE TO BUFFET AND OBAMA

by Harvey Golub, Wall Street Journal, 8-22-11.

http://online.wsj.com/article/SB10001424053111903639404576516724218259688.html

(Editors note:  Mock The Dummy videos take a long time to make, which makes it difficult to respond to the news of the day in a timely manner.  With recognition of this problem, and as an experiment, we would like to offer publication of first this script and then an audio only program.  This is part two.  Part one can be accessed here: https://mockthedummy.com/2011/08/23/when-titans-talk-to-dummies/  We ask Mock The Dummy fans to take a breath, access their imagination, hear the tell-tale refrain of bells that signal the start of a video, and let your mind lead you…)

DUMMY:  Welcome to my Tea Party.  We dummies are speaking to Harvey Golub, whose editorial MY RESPONSE TO BUFFET AND OBAMA was an instant hit among the dummies.  The editorial was published on Monday by Rupert Murdock’s Wall Street Journal, where you can find The News Of The World.  This is part two of our program.  You can access part one by following this annotation.  Oh, and for you dummies who don’t know – this isn’t really Harvey.  It’s a dummy.  We find that our audience prefers to get their information from dummies.

Dummy, you were telling our listeners why the top marginal tax rate shouldn’t be raised to 39.6% from 35% because you resent that Warren Buffet thinks you’re “coddled” and you resent that Obama doesn’t think you deserve your money and that he wants to spend it as he thinks fit.  You also mentioned that you spend 90% of your income on taxes.  Is that right?

GOLUB DUMMY:  That’s what I wrote.

DUMMY:  You sure did.  Please go on.

GOLUB DUMMY:  “Others could pay higher taxes if they choose. They could voluntarily write a check or they could advocate that their gifts to foundations should be made with after-tax dollars and not be deductible. They could also pay higher taxes if they were not allowed to set up foundations to avoid capital gains and estate taxes.”

DUMMY:  Something which you clearly don’t do since you pay 90% of your income to Uncle Sam.

GOLUB DUMMY:  That’s right.

DUMMY:  Please go on.

GOLUB DUMMY:  “What gets me most upset is two other things about this argument: the unfair way taxes are collected …,”

TEA PARTY DUMMIES:  Aaaaaaaaah!

DUMMY:  Wait a minute.  How are taxes collected from your carried interest and capital gains income?

GOLUB DUMMY:  Can we keep this strictly “for dummies”.  I’m talking about how the government steals money directly from your paycheck.

TEA PARTY DUMMIES:  Aaaaaaaaah!

GOLUB DUMMY:  That’s unfair.  Americans should just declare what their income was at the end of the year and pay the taxes on that.

DUMMY:  That’s a great idea.  Like in Greece.

TEA PARTY DUMMIES:  Yipeeeeeeee!

GOLUB DUMMY: What also upsets me is “the violation of the implicit social contract between me and my government that my taxes will be spent—effectively and efficiently—on purposes that support the general needs of the country.”

DUMMY:  Good point.  Iraq war?  Money well spent.  Coddling our lazy grandparents by paying them not to work?  Total freaking waste.

GOLUB DUMMY: “Before you call me greedy, make sure you operate fairly on both fronts.”

DUMMY:  It is unfair for us to ask multi-millionaires like yourself to accept a tax rate on income above $379,150 of 39.6% instead of 35%.

GOLUB DUMMY:  “Today, top earners—the 250,000 people who earn $1 million or more—“

DUMMY:  The Top 1%.

GOLUB DUMMY:  “… pay 20% of all income taxes,”

DUMMY:  And take in nearly 25% of all income in the United States.

GOLUB DUMMY:  “and the 3% who earn more than $200,000…”

DUMMY:  Who take in about 42% of all income…

GOLUB DUMMY:  “…pay almost half.”  Almost half of all filers pay no income taxes at all.”  Do you hear me?  Almost half of all filers pay no income taxes at all!

DUMMY:  That’s right.  Nearly half of all filing Households in the United States have incomes so low that their federal tax burden is effectively zero.

TEA PARTY DUMMIES:  Aaaaaaaaah!

DUMMY:  The lowest quintile average about $12,400 per year, the second lowest quintile average about $25,000 per year, and the third lowest quintile average about $33,400 per year.

GOLUB DUMMY:  “Clearly they earn less and should pay less.”

DUMMY:  Clearly, since the bottom 40% of the nation’s households only own 0.3% of the nation’s wealth.  You can’t squeeze blood from a turnip.

GOLUB DUMMY:  “But they should pay something and have a stake in our government spending their money too.”

DUMMY:  And how much should they pay?  Say, a family of four earning $12,400 per year?  How much should they pay?  A thousand dollars?  Two thousand dollars?

GOLUB DUMMY:  I don’t know. Something.  Do you think it’s fair for me to pay federal income taxes when all of these people don’t pay any federal income taxes?

DUMMY:  No.  And what do you say to those liberals who say it’s also unfair that in 9 hours you make more than 80% of the nation’s households make in a year?

GOLUB DUMMY:  I say “I earned it.”

DUMMY:  Can’t argue with that.  After all, you’re part of the top 1%.  The 250,000 people who own 35% of the nation’s wealth.

GOLUB DUMMY:  Damn straight.

DUMMY:  And damn straight.

GOLUB DUMMY:  Why should I pay an extra 4.9% in taxes when these lazy shlubs don’t pay anything except sales taxes?  It’s not fair!  It’s not fair!  IT’S NOT FAIR!

DUMMY:  It’s not fair, dummies.  Do you hear that?  This isn’t fair.  Dummy, go on.

GOLUB DUMMY:  “In addition, the extraordinarily complex tax code is replete with favors to various interest groups and industries, favors granted by politicians seeking to retain power.”

DUMMY:  Like the financial industry.

TEA PARTY DUMMIES:  Aaaaaaaaah!

GOLUB DUMMY:  “Mortgage interest deductions support the private housing industry at the expense of renters.”

DUMMY:  Yes.  That’s how I would put it rather than they encourage home ownership and provide the underlying assets for a significant portion of financial industry derivatives.

GOLUB DUMMY:  “Generous fringe benefits are not taxed at all, in order to support union and government workers at the expense of people who buy their own insurance with after-tax dollars.”

TEA PARTY DUMMIES:  Aaaaaaaaah!

DUMMY:  If only we could reform the health insurance industry.

GOLUB DUMMY:  “Gifts to charities are deductible but gifts to grandchildren are not.”

TEA PARTY DUMMIES:  Aaaaaaaaah!

DUMMY:  Gifts to grandchildren should be deductible.  Then we could stop giving to charities altogether.

GOLUB DUMMY:  “That’s just a short list, and all of it is unfair.”  It’s unfair!  It’s unfair!  IT’S UNFAIR!

DUMMY:  No doubt.  You certainly got hit by the unfairness stick.  You’re like the poster boy for an unfair life.  That fat girl in that “Precious” movie has nothing on you.

GOLUB DUMMY:  Damn straight.

DUMMY:  And you’re damn straight.

GOLUB DUMMY:  Damn straight.

DUMMY:  Dummies, that’s all we have time for today.

GOLUB DUMY:  But there’s more.  There’s much more.

DUMMY:  I know there is.  Let’s give a cheer to one of the great Americans, this Titan of Business, as represented by this dummy.  Tune in tomorrow and we will read you part three of My Response To Buffet And Obama written specifically for dummies.

Tex:  VALIDATE THE BIRTH CERTIFICATE!

Punch … Punch. Punch.

When Titans Talk To Dummies (Part 2 of 3)

When Titans Talk To Dummies (Part 1 of 3)

WHEN TITANS TALK TO DUMMIES

PART ONE

MOCK THE DUMMYs TAKE ON

 MY RESPONSE TO BUFFET AND OBAMA

by Harvey Golub, Wall Street Journal, 8-22-11.

http://online.wsj.com/article/SB10001424053111903639404576516724218259688.html

(Editors note:  Mock The Dummy videos take a long time to make which makes it difficult to respond to the news of the day in a timely manner.  With recognition of this problem, and as an experiment, we would like to offer publication of first this script and then an audio only program.  We ask Mock The Dummy fans to take a breath, access their imagination, hear the tell-tale refrain of bells that signal the start of a video, and let your mind lead you…)

Dummy:  Welcome to my Tea Party.  We dummies always assume that the best way to reach other dummies is on programs that feature dummies – like this one.

But it turns out that those friendly folks at The Wall Street Journal don’t believe that we have a monopoly on the dummies.  They think that some dummies are in their audience too.  How do I know?  Just look at the op ed piece written by Harvey Golub that they published on Monday.  Harvey is no dummy.  But he sure thinks you are.  Harvey can’t be here, but we have a representative dummy, who will read to us what Harvey wrote in My Response To Buffet And Obama.

Tea Party Dummies:  Yippeeeeeeeee!

Golub Dummy:  “Over the years, I have paid a significant portion of my income to the various federal, state and local jurisdictions in which I have lived, and I deeply resent that President Obama has decided that I don’t need all the money I’ve not paid in taxes over the years –

Tea Party Dummies:  Aaaaaaaaah!

Dummy:  Wait a minute.  Obama said that?

Golub Dummy:  Yes.

Dummy:  He said that you don’t need all the money you’ve not paid in taxes over the years?

Golub Dummy:  Well, he didn’t say it.  But we all know he thinks it.

Tea Party Dummies:  Aaaaaaaaah!

Dummy:  What else does he think?

Golub Dummy:  “…That I should leave less for my children and grandchildren and give more to him to spend as he thinks fit.”

Tea Party Dummies:  Aaaaaaaaah!

Dummy:  He wants to spend your money as he thinks fit?

Golub Dummy:  Yes.

Tea Party Dummies:  Aaaaaaaaah!

Golub Dummy:  “I also resent that Warren Buffett and others who have created massive wealth for themselves think I’m “coddled” because they believe they should pay more in taxes. I certainly don’t feel “coddled” because these various governments have not imposed a higher income tax. After all, I did earn it.”

Dummy:  That’s true.  Like in 1997 when you laid off 3,300 employees at American Express and your compensation was $33.4 million dollars.  That must have been a tough year.

Golub Dummy:  Excruciating.  I can’t imagine anyone having a tougher time that year than me.

Dummy:  Me either.

Golub Dummy:  “Now that I’m 72 years old, I can look forward to paying a significant portion of my accumulated wealth in estate taxes…”

Dummy:  Death taxes.

Tea Party Dummies:  Aaaaaaaaah!

Golub Dummy: “…to the federal government and, depending on the state I live in at the time, to that state government as well.”

Dummy:  What do you mean depending on the state you live in at the time?  Wouldn’t it be in your home state?

Golub Dummy:  Well, no.  Who knows which of my homes I will be in when I die?  These things are unpredictable you know, dummy.

Dummy:  That’s true.  I guess that $5 million dollar estate exemption wouldn’t quite pay for the landscaping would it?

Golub Dummy:  It wouldn’t pay for the rosebushes.

“Of my current income this year, I expect to pay 80%-90% in federal income taxes, state income taxes, Social Security and Medicare taxes, and federal and state estate taxes. Isn’t that enough?”

Dummy: Wait a minute….

You’re going to pay 80-90% of your current income this year in taxes?

Golub Dummy:  I expect to.

Dummy:  Which is it?  80% or 90%?

Golub Dummy:  I don’t know … 90%.

Dummy:  You’re going to lose 90% of your income this year to taxes?

Golub Dummy:  That’s what I said, isn’t it?

Dummy:  When the highest marginal tax rate is 35% on adjusted income in the over $379,150 bracket you are going to pay 90% of your income this year to Uncle Sam?

Golub Dummy:  Yes.

Dummy:  How much of your income would go to Uncle Sam if the Bush Tax cuts had expired and that rate had been raised back to 39.6%

Golub Dummy:  I don’t know … 120%.

Dummy:  YOU WOULD HAVE TO PAY 120% TO UNCLE SAM?

Golub Dummy:  Yes.

Tea Party Dummies:  Aaaaaaaaah!

Dummy:  So wait a minute.  Although you are retired, I know you get compensated for your various board memberships, and you probably have a fair amount of long term capital gains from dividends and sales of some of your financial assets, and no doubt you take a small salary from Ripplewood Holdings, with the $10 billion in capital under management.  But surely like with most partners in private equity firms the majority of your income comes through carried interest, which is only taxed at 15%.  Do you mean to tell me that the remaining 85% of your earnings from Ripplewood Holdings wasn’t enough to keep you from paying 90% of your income to Uncle Sam?

Golub Dummy:  That’s what I said.

Dummy:  Does this firm have any investors?

Golub Dummy:  Yes.

Dummy:  Are they financially sophisticated?

Golub Dummy:  Yes.

Dummy:  Do they know you’re not making any money?

Golub Dummy: Uh….

Dummy:  This firm hired you?

Golub Dummy:  Yes.

Dummy:  And do they know that despite all of your years running American Express, your chairmanship at American Enterprise Institute, and your time with Dow Jones & Company, former parent company to The Wall Street Journal, you still can’t figure out how to keep from paying 90% of your income to Uncle Sam?!

Golub Dummy:  Yes.

Dummy:  Okay.  Good enough for me.  Dummies, there’s one of our Titans of business.  That’s all we have time for today.

Golub Dummy:  But that was only the first two paragraphs.  It gets much better.

Dummy:  I’m sure it does.  Tune in tomorrow and we will read you more of My Response To Buffet And Obama written specifically for dummies.

Tex:  VALIDATE THE BIRTH CERTIFICATE!

Punch … Punch. Punch.

When Titans Talk to Dummies (Part 1 of 3)

Dummies and Sausages

Dummy:  Welcome to my Tea Party.  We dummies have a treat for you.  We want to bring you the dummy that Iowans love to call their own.  Ladies and gentlemen, I bring you the next first couple!

Michele Bachmann Dummy:  I am just stunned and humbled and thankful and grateful and all the rest!  Marcus!  Stop it!  Don’t do it.  Don’t swallow that sausage!  Marcus!  Please.  Pray it away!  /Dummy? / Pray it away!

Dummy:  Dummy?  We’re still live.

Michele Bachmann Dummy:   Oh.  Oh Yah.  We just crossed an important hurdle, but it’s the first one.  Now it’s on to all 50 states!  Marcus!  Stop!  I’ll eat the sausage.  I’ll eat the sausage.

Marcus Bachmann Dummy:  No.  I want the sausage.  I want the sausage.

Michele Bachmann Dummy:   (muffled) Pray it away.  Pray it away.

Dummy:  Ahem.  Dummies that wasn’t funny.  Forget the image of the dummy swallowing the sausage.  Let’s get back to the serious messages that are so attractive to dummies.  Dummies wake up!  No more wasteful, out of control spending. (AAA!)  No more sharia law.  (AAA!)  No more big government that steals our liberty and sticks it’s monster nose in every facet of our lives. (AAA!).  We have to get back to the Christian nation our Constitutionally Conservative founding fathers created.  (Yippee!)  It’s time to take our country back!

Michele Bachmann Dummy: To when if your husband was gay that just meant he was happy.  Marcus!  Stop!

Tex:  VALIDATE THE BIRTH CERTIFICATE

DUMMIES AND SAUSAGES

NOTES

  1. We want to bring you the dummy that Iowans love to call their own.

Michele Bachmann Wins Iowa Straw Poll

http://www.cbsnews.com/8301-503544_162-20092076-503544.html

  1. “I am just humbled and thankful and grateful and all the rest.”

Michele Bachmann Wins Iowa Straw Poll

http://www.cbsnews.com/8301-503544_162-20092076-503544.html

  1. Pray it away!

Michele Bachmann Clinic:  Where You Can Pray Away The Gay

http://abcnews.go.com/Blotter/michele-bachmann-exclusive-pray-gay-candidates-clinic/story?id=14048691

  1. “We just crossed an important hurdle, but it’s the first one. Now it’s on to all 50 states!”

Michele Bachmann Wins Iowa Straw Poll

http://www.cbsnews.com/8301-503544_162-20092076-503544.html

  1. I’ll eat the sausage! I’ll eat the sausage!

http://www.businessinsider.com/michele-bachmann-corndog-picture-2011-8

Dummies and Sausages

How Dummies Sell Their Boehner

How Dummies Sell Their Boehner

Dummy:  Welcome to my Tea Party.  Dummies wake up!  We dummies are sitting down with a special guest, our Speaker of the House.

John Boehner Dummy:  Thank you.

Dummy:  How’s it hanging, Boner?

John Boehner Dummy:  Boehner.  The American people (hic) were victorious this week.  We denied the president his $2.4 trillion dollar blank check (AAA!) that lets him continue his spending binge (AAA!) through the next election.

Dummy:  That’s golden, boner.

John Boehner Dummy:  Boehner.

Dummy:  But in all fairness, you did meet with the President several times in secret.  (AAA!)

John Boehner Dummy:  That’s true.

Dummy:  That sucks, Boner.

John Boehner Dummy:  Boehner.

Dummy:  And what did you and he do, Boner, behind closed doors? (AAA!)

John Boehner Dummy:  Now, now (hic).  I did engage the President, at his request, more than once.  But these were brief affairs.  I never succumbed, to his eloquent speeches.  I came only a few times, but when it became clear that he was nothing but a sweet talker, I withdrew, and may I add, I withdrew repeatedly.

Dummy:  And why did you keep pulling out, Boner?

John Boehner Dummy:  Boehner.  Because he would not do the right thing for the American people and move away from his big government philosophy (AAA!) and taxing and spending ways (AAA!)  And he was willing to let this country default rather than simply meet our terms and the terms of the American people (hic) to stop overspending and spending and spending. (AAA!)

Dummy:  It certainly got hairy, Boner.

John Boehner Dummy:  Boehner.  Very hairy.  But we prevailed.  I got 98% of what I wanted.  And our next fight is on the horizon. We still need to bring our balanced budget amendment to the floor for a vote.

Dummy:  And why is it important to cut, cup and balance, Boner?

John Boehner Dummy:  Boehner.  We need to cut what’s too big.  We need to cap what’s too prolific.  We need to balance what leans left.

Dummy:  I hate left leaning, Boner.

John Boehner Dummy:  Boehner.  It’s important that the federal government behave like responsible  average Americans do.  Does the average American overspend every year relying on debt to buy things they can’t immediately afford?  No.  Neither should the government.  Does the average American issue debt that investors foreign and domestic seeking low risk premiums want to buy and hold in their portfolios?  No.  Neither should the government.  Does the average American directly employ 14 million civilians, 1 and a half million military personnel, score of contractors, and contribute 30% of annual GDP?  No.  Neither should the government.  We need a government that is weak enough to drown in a bathtub.  That’s how we remain the world’s last superpower. (Yipee!)

Dummy:  That makes perfect sense.  Then we can beat the Chinese, Boner.

John Boehner Dummy:  Boehner.  I took an oath not long ago that’s very dear to me.  I’ll always remember the day that this humble son of a bartender, put his hand on his heart and with tears in his eyes recited those magic words.

I pledge allegiance to the brand of The Special Interest Group Americans For Tax Reform and to Grover Norquist for whom it stands, one conservative, under god, Individual, with support and campaign contributions for all.

Dummy:  You are pure red, white and blue, Boner.

John Boehner Dummy:  Boehner.

ROAM

Michele Bachmann Dummy:  Dummies, this whole interview is very immature.  Don’t you agree, Marcus?

Marcus Bachmann Dummy:  I’m just here to watch Boner.

Michele Bachmann Dummy:  Pray it away.

ROAM

Dummy:  Dummies you heard it here first.  The dummies are in the House.  And we’re full speed ahead in our mission to –

Puppet:  STARVE THE BEAST!!!

Dummy:  Now, now, don’t mind the puppet.  He’s not affiliated with us.

Puppet:  RIGHT!

Dummy:  Clearly he’s been listening to too much NPR again.

Puppet:  RIGHT!

Dummy:  Dummies, support our Boner.  Follow this link today to get your very own bit of Boehner, brought to you by Mock The Dummy.  It’s a limited time offer so do it today.

And just to be clear, the picture on this shirt is actually of a dummy.  It’s not your father’s Boner.

Tex:  VALIDATE THE BIRTH CERTIFICATE

How Dummies Sell Their Boehner

NOTES

  1. We denied the president his $2.4 trillion dollar blank check that lets him continue his spending binge through the next election.

“This bill is far from perfect, but it’s a positive step forward that denies the president the $2.4 trillion blank check that lets him continue his spending binge through the next election,” the Speaker’s office wrote in a press release.

http://thehill.com/homenews/senate/173975-entire-senate-dem-caucus-vows-to-oppose-boehner-debt-plan

  1. . Because he would not do the right thing for the American people and move away from his big government philosophy and taxing and spending ways and he was willing to let this country default rather than simply meet our terms and the terms of the American people to stop overspending and spending and spending.

boehner +”big government philosophy” +”tax and spend”

16,500 results on Google in 0.12 seconds

“The House will stand with the American people.”

http://www.johnboehner.house.gov/News/DocumentSingle.aspx?DocumentID=248740

  1. I got 98% of what I wanted.

http://www.cbsnews.com/stories/2011/08/01/eveningnews/main20086598.shtml

  1. I took an oath not long ago that’s very dear to me…..

http://thehill.com/homenews/news/150921-gop-leaders-promise-conservatives-to-block-deficit-package-that-raises-taxes

  1. I pledge allegiance to the brand of The Special Interest Group Americans For Tax Reform and to Grover Norquist for whom it stands, one conservative, under god, Individual, with support and campaign contributions for all.

http://www.atr.org/userfiles/Congressional_pledge%281%29.pdf

  1. “I just want to watch Boner.”

“Marcus!  Pray it away!”

http://abcnews.go.com/Blotter/michele-bachmann-exclusive-pray-gay-candidates-clinic/story?id=14048691

  1. Dummies, support our Boner. Follow this link today to get your very own bit of Boehner, brought to you by Mock The Dummy. It’s a limited time offer so do it today.

https://mockthedummy.com/limited-edition-t-shirt/

How Dummies Sell Their Boehner