Growing Up Paul Part Two

GROWING UP PAUL

Ron Paul Dummy:  Clean your room now, Rand.  Or the federal government will get you.

A MINI SERIES PRESENTED BY

MOCK THE DUMMY

CHAPTER TWO

Rand Paul Dummy:  Dadddy, I’m home.  Aaaaaaah!  Ghosts!

Ron Paul Dummy:  Now, now, son, it’s alright, it’s alright.  They’re not ghosts.  They’re just men wearing costumes because they’re hiding.

Rand Paul Dummy:  But who are they hiding from?

Ron Paul Dummy:  They’re hiding from that evil, blood-sucking beast … the federal government.

Rand Paul Dummy: Aaaaaaah!  The one hiding under my bed?

Ron Paul Dummy: The one hiding under every little boy’s bed for five months out of the year.

Rand Paul Dummy:   Aaaaaaah!  And why are these men hiding?

Ron Paul Dummy: Well, these nice men just want the freedom to hate whomever they want without some monster telling ‘em that they can’t.  Do you want some monster telling you who you have to do business with?

Rand Paul Dummy:  No.

Ron Paul Dummy: Well neither do they.  And if they don’t like certain kinds of people then it’s their god-given, constitutional right not to have to do business with those kinds of people.

Rand Paul Dummy:  What kinds of people?

Ron Paul Dummy: Negros, Latinos and Jews

Rand Paul Dummy:  Oh my!

Ron Paul Dummy: Negros, Latinos and Jews.

Rand Paul Dummy:  Oh my!

Ron Paul Dummy: Negros, Latinos and Jews.

Rand Paul Dummy:  Oh my!

KKK Dummies: We’re off to see the wizard.  Da-da-da-da-da-da-da.

Ron Paul Dummy: Bye bye.  My, they’re fleet-footed.  Almost as fleet-footed as a black teenage male, which you would know if you’d ever been robbed by one.

Rand Paul Dummy:  Right.

Ron Paul Dummy:  Now son, I want you to remember this. We abhor racism.

Rand Paul Dummy:  What’s racism?

Ron Paul Dummy:  That’s when you don’t like somebody just cuz of the color of their skin or because they killed Jesus.

Rand Paul Dummy:  Oh.

Ron Paul Dummy:  But just cuz we abhor racism doesn’t mean we abhor racists.

Rand Paul Dummy:  Okay.

Ron Paul Dummy:  Because even though we don’t hate black people we know that 95% of them don’t have sensible political opinions.

Rand Paul Dummy:  Right.

Ron Paul Dummy:  And even though we abhor racism we know that it’s hardly irrational to be afraid of black men.

Rand Paul Dummy:  Right.

Ron Paul Dummy:  We’re not racists, son.  We’re just number one among racists.

Rand Paul Dummy:  Oh boy.

Ron Paul Dummy:  And I need the support of these racists, son, because I’ve decided that it’s time for me to go away.

Rand Paul Dummy:  Where are you going?

Ron Paul Dummy:  I’m going off to join that beast.  The federal government.

Rand Paul Dummy:  Aaaaaaah!  Daddy, no, don’t go!

Ron Paul Dummy:  It’s alright, son, it’s alright.  It’s gonna pay for us to have nice things.

Rand Paul Dummy:  But, but, but, It’s our enemy.

Ron Paul Dummy:  Well, I gotta go join it, son, to fight it.  Plus it’s got good health insurance.

Rand Paul Dummy:  But, but, but, you said insurance is socialism.

Ron Paul Dummy:  Son, just cuz we don’t like socialism doesn’t mean we can’t benefit from it.  Besides, it’ll pay for your braces.

Rand Paul Dummy:  I lost a tooth today.

Ron Paul Dummy:  Well isn’t that cute.

Rand Paul Dummy:  Daddy don’t go.

Ron Paul Dummy:  Aw.  You want me to stay here instead of going out to fight the federal government.

Rand Paul Dummy:  Yes, daddy, please.

Ron Paul Dummy:  Alright.  Do you want to put that tooth under your pillow tonight and have the tooth fairy bring you a shiny silver dime?

Rand Paul Dummy:  Yes!

Ron Paul Dummy:  Well, too bad!  The tooth fairy is dead!  All the silver dimes are gone!  The federal government just took ‘em.  All you get is a worthless federal reserve note.

Rand Paul Dummy:  Oh no!
Ron Paul Dummy:  And now that federal reserve note is backed up by nothing but other federal reserve notes.  And they can just print federal reserve notes at the federal reserve and the federal reserve is no more federal than Federal Express.

Rand Paul Dummy:  Oh no!

Ron Paul Dummy:  So now our real, god-given money, gold, has been replaced with a bunch of fake money.  It’s all fake so now every time we buy and sell we’re just faking it and proving that all we are is a bunch of slaves!

Rand Paul Dummy:  Oh noooooo!

Ron Paul Dummy:  They killed the tooth fairy!  They killed God in public places.  And now they’re going to kill the invisible hand!  We were protected by the invisible hand, Rand, but now the federal government is killing the invisible hand.  I gotta go wake these dummies up, Rand.  I gotta go take our country back!

Rand Paul Dummy:  Take our country back?

Ron Paul Dummy:  To  when you could buy a gallon of gas with a shiny silver dime

Rand Paul Dummy:  Yay!

Ron Paul Dummy:  After taking home your daily wage of one dollar and seventy six cents.

Rand Paul Dummy:  Oh.

STAY TUNED FOR PART THREE

WHEN YOUNG RAND GETS A NEW NEIGHBOR

Rand Paul Dummy:  Aaaaaaah!  It’s an illegal!

Growing Up Paul Part Two

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